I don't get to blog a lot. I have perfect opportunities to all the time, however I don't enjoy sitting in my bedroom on the computer when I could be spending time with my son or doing something that needs to be done. He is sleeping now, and I find myself in the mood to blog out of nowhere!
I'm pregnant again. I'm actually excited for the new baby, only because it's almost like my second chance at a few things that I felt like I didn't do correctly with Blake. Breastfeeding would be a good example. I had an inconvenient job that made Blake and my sleep schedule collide, so I wasn't producing the milk he needed. This made me very upset because I loved our bonding time while he ate. It was like he only needed me and I loved that. However, all good things come to an end for one reason or another, and for that, I've learned to accept the fact that maybe there was a reason my milk production stopped.
Now that I have a better job, and a normal work schedule, I'm hoping my second round at breastfeeding will work out in a successful manner.
Blake is 18 months now and running and talking and being a crazy toddler, just as scheduled. He's taken up sign language much more efficiently than he has actually speaking. I enjoy his sign language. He doesn't just use it to be extremely cute. He also uses it to communicate with me. He lets me know when he'd like milk, or a drink (which means something other than milk). He allows me to see when he'd like to eat. When a diaper is needed, he looks down dramatically and grabs his crotch region. (Hilarious!) My favorite though, is when we're talking about a baby, or when he would like to talk to the baby in Mommy's belly, or kiss the baby, he sways his arms back and forth and smiles so big. I adore that one most of all. We practice his sign language every day. And every couple days, he surprises me with a new sign I've never seen him do. He does often copy us, but then usually, later in the day, he won't do the sign again unless we show him. I enjoy most when he comes up to me and shows me a sign on his own. It makes me proud and happy as can be. That's the best part of being pregnant again. Wondering how this new baby will learn and if they will pick things up the way Blake did or if they'll speak more quickly rather than walking? Hmm...pondering pondering pondering.
The only thing I've noticed with this pregnancy so far has been that I'm an emotional wreck, but only when it is most inconvenient for me to be such a wreck! Some examples: when I'm watching Blake alone, when I'm at work, when I'm alone completely, when I have pretty much no way of having anyone assist in calming me down or reassuring me that I'm just hormonal. Of course I know I'm hormonal, I'm pregnant, it's bound to happen. I suppose I just wasn't prepared for this strong of feelings to happen to me again. I'm completely unsure of what I want anymore. I am back to wondering if I'm actually emotionally stable enough to be a mother. I cry all the time. Especially when I smack Blake's hand when he does something bad. I feel like the worst mom ever when I smack his hand, but I do feel like he needs to learn somehow. He knows what no means, and he has shown me that he does know the meaning of that word by acknowledging the fact that when I say it, he stops what he's doing. However, he continues to test me and see what happens when he does what I tell him not to do, and therefore, I smack his hand. I feel awful every time I do it, and I end up crying.
The other thing is that I suppose I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready for another child. I cried today, very dramatically I might add, because I had to cancel one of my OBGYN appointments that was at 10:30am today. My fiance failed to tell me until last night, that he had work at 8am this morning and that he just noticed my appointment on the calendar and thought he should tell me. Well, I obviously cannot take an 18 month old into an appointment where I'm receiving a pelvic exam and most likely listening to the heartbeat of the new baby. Therefore, I had to cancel my appointment. I had asked my dad if he could watch Blake, and dad had actually given me a call around 8:30am to see if I had made arrangements for Blake while I attend my appointment. I lied and told my dad yes, because I didn't want him to have to leave work just so I could go to an appointment that can easily be rescheduled. You can't reschedule work, so that's my thought process on it. My sister also called me later to verify that I had someone, and I told her yes. I just didn't want to cry over the phone again. It didn't seem like something that was a big enough deal to make anyone worry, so why tell them that I cancelled it?
Because of how upset I was over cancelling the appointment, I barely paid any attention to the receptionist on the phone who rescheduled me to January 7th, 2013 and clumsily wrote the appointment on the calendar without a care. Once I finally was able to calm down a little, I realized a few things all at once. I work every Monday, and getting time off at my job is absolutely impossible, especially since I'm a new hire. My appointment is a Monday, of course. There's no way I'll be able to attend that. So, at the risk of embarrassing myself, I'm going to wait until a few days before the appointment and reschedule again...hopefully this time, my fiance will request that day off of work (since he doesn't have a set schedule) and we won't have this dilemma again....
This day has been rather emotional for me, but it also started out that way. I woke this morning knowing I had no way of going to my appointment, and decided that it was probably a good time to just sleep in while Blake was sleeping in. That also wasn't able to happen due to my fiance losing the house keys. This wouldn't upset me, except that when he does something wrong, he makes the biggest deal in the world about it. It's nothing as simple as calmly saying, "Babe, can you please help me find the keys? I've misplaced them." or anything of that sort. Not with him. It is like the world is deteriorating and we're all going to die because he can't find the keys and its everyone's fault but his, until you tell him he was the last one with the keys, then he's the worst person on the planet and all I do is make him feel like shit.
Anyway....I assisted him in looking for the keys, until I saw how he was looking for them. He lifted up the chair, and threw it down like a child with a toy and a temper tantrum. He then continued to go into the bathroom and search through the dirty laundry by throwing it all over the bathroom. Next, he went up into our bedroom and flipped my box of art supplies (because apparently lifting it to look under it and setting it back down just wasn't a logical option), and then tearing everything off of the bed to look there as well. Then proceeded to tell me I wasn't looking good enough...
I didn't know that if I didn't wreck the house, I wasn't looking well enough. Although, I must admit, I was a little distracted by trying to fix his messes as he went along...so maybe I wasn't looking well enough? Maybe I was cleaning up a mess that had no reason to be made?
With that morning start off, he finally found the keys behind our radiators in the living room and instantly calmed himself, acted like nothing had happened, and picked up Blake (who had just watched his father's temper tantrum in awe) and kissed him and blamed him for playing with Daddy's keys, then came over, kissed me on the head and told me he'd see us after work.
After he left, I burst into tears because I didn't even know how to handle such a situation...I didn't want Blake to see me crying, so I set him in the living room, turned on a Baby Einsteins DVD, and proceeded to clean up a little, everywhere, that Blake was unable to see me. After about 10 minutes of cleaning/crying, I decided it's much more effective to sit and cry and try to calm myself down, instead of continuously looking at the way my fiance destroyed my home, and then walked off like nothing had happened. As you can tell, I'm not quite over it yet, however, I never have a way TO get over it. If I try to talk to him, he won't listen and he tells me "I really just don't want to talk about it right now..." and that same sentence always comes out of his mouth every time...so of course he's never at fault and I'm always the one making him feel like crap, and nothing ever needs to be fixed.
I know what you're thinking, I'm totally ranting and maybe we DO need marriage counseling or something to assist us with the stress of him being a schizophrenic ass hole and me being an overly emotional bitch, but what can I say? He doesn't have health insurance and I'm not willing to pay for him to casually lie to someone and tell them he's fine and that I'm just pregnant and hormonal...
Blake is now awake and watching the Lion King 2. He seems to love that movie lately. I adore the way he stares at it and tries roaring at me and growling. It's rather amusing. He's the only person who makes me feel better. <3 Maybe that's why I feel awful for punishing him when I need to...I know that sometimes he has to have time out, but I feel awful giving him those time outs and such. Maybe, I feel awful doing it because even when I sit him down for time out, he still looks at me and smiles like I'm just the most hilarious person in the world. This is definitely sometimes very aggravating depending on the severity of the situation at hand, especially because he makes me think of his father when he does this, but I calm myself, and realize he's just a generally happy toddler and he just makes me giggle along with him. He knows how to get away with everything with Mommy. <3
He's an amazing eater for me. I worry sometimes if he's not eating enough, or if he gets fed enough while I'm at work and maybe that's why he's such a pig when I get home? I'm not sure if these are normal concerns or if I'm just completely not-trusting of anyone who watches my son except for my mom and my sisters? Hmm...
I've also found it very difficult for me to be able to talk to anyone around me about any of my concerns or my fears or anything really. This also may be a source of my emotions building up and drowning myself in tears when no one is around...it's the only time I have to let it go, and I feel AWFUL that Blake has to be the only one around when I release everything because he should never have to see me like this, but I am rather good at keeping him occupied long enough for me to get out my sorrows and return to him like nothing happened. I fear that I actually have no one to talk to that I can trust anymore. I don't have any therapists that make me feel comfortable. I obviously can't talk to my fiance (which I find terrible because I should be able to talk to him more than most people). I can't talk to my mother, because I've found she says the same thing every time...and it never helps. I can't talk to my dad, he just tells me to grow up. I'm afraid of talking to anyone else because of the fear of someone passing judgement on me and telling me how much of a terrible mom I am or something horrific. I have no friends to talk to anymore which is part of the reason I'm so depressed lately. I'm no longer able to talk to my best friend, due to various issues that have been going on in both of our lives. This has legitimately driven me to feel the need to just put my feelings and thoughts and issues out to the public because they don't know who I am and I'm actually very comforted by that.
I need to go now. I've ranted and put everything out there for the world to judge me on, and I think it's a good time to go and ask Blake what he likes about the movie right now. I always get a different answer. He'll cheer me up. :-)
Happy Holidays everyone.
12.19.2012
5.23.2012
Blake is Standing and Stepping!
Blake is now a full-on stander! He stands with steadiness and fools us all into thinking he is just ready to walk! Every time he looks up as if he wants to walk to us...then he'll hesitate and sit down slowly, then crawl ferociously toward you! This amuses me greatly. I love my son, he is so silly and he is getting so good at everything he does. He has been watching the Baby Einstein video "First Signs" a lot lately, and he has been showing us all of these signs! It's great because it's such an easier way to communicate for him. He gets everything he needs and he's a very happy baby the majority of the time! Although, we seem to make him angry a lot when we don't know what sign he is showing us. He isn't perfect at signing yet. He gets close, but he doesn't have the hand-eye coordination to be able to do the sign to its exact quality. For example, he loves to do the more sign, and he loves to clap! However, the more sign IS him clapping. He likes to clap for fun, and he also claps when he would like more. This makes things confusing at times. He might clap when you're feeding him, but that doesn't always mean more, and if you try to feed him because you think he wants more, he will smack the utensil out of your hand. My little stinker. <3
As for stepping, Blake has taken 3 or 4 steps now at a time. He likes to do it when he thinks we aren't watching. It's funny. He will only usually step when he is already holding something. It's rather cute if I do say so myself.
He also finds it hilarious if you chase him. We actually witnessed Blake taking his largest amount of steps so far (4) whilst Kyle was chasing him around the couch repeatedly! Blake was walking sideways while holding onto the couch. They had circled quite a few times, then Blake comes around the one side and walks 4 steps and falls. Then, continues to crawl rather speedily around the couch some more.
Blake is actually having a birthday/memorial day party on Monday at a national park. I can't wait! Even though I've probably cried more in the past few days than I should...I just can't believe my son is going to be a year old already. He has gotten so big so fast...
He has been talking more lately. It's funny because he doesn't make much sense most of the time, but if you listen very closely and pay a lot of attention to what he's rambling, you can almost tell what he might be trying to say. I try to pay close attention so that I can acknowledge what he might be trying to say. It's still difficult though.
So...a bad habit that Blake has gotten into somehow is that he for some reason likes to hit/kick in the face or wherever he can. In the mornings, I'll be playing with him and joking around with him, and he will be playing as well. Then out of nowhere, he will start smacking me in the face! If I tell him no, and hold his arms, he then decides that kicking in the face will be just as swell. I have no clue where he learned this, but I'm having a pretty difficult time trying to get him to learn that its bad. He just thinks its so funny and that he can do it non-stop. For some reason, he has also learned to bite. I don't know where he is picking these things up from, but I wish I knew how to make him stop. He's actually very strong and it's starting to hurt pretty badly when he hits me and kicks me.
If anyone has any advice on the last paragraph, please advise on!! Also...if at all possible, I'd like advice on how to get Blake to talk a bit better. I'm excited for him to learn!!!
As for stepping, Blake has taken 3 or 4 steps now at a time. He likes to do it when he thinks we aren't watching. It's funny. He will only usually step when he is already holding something. It's rather cute if I do say so myself.
He also finds it hilarious if you chase him. We actually witnessed Blake taking his largest amount of steps so far (4) whilst Kyle was chasing him around the couch repeatedly! Blake was walking sideways while holding onto the couch. They had circled quite a few times, then Blake comes around the one side and walks 4 steps and falls. Then, continues to crawl rather speedily around the couch some more.
Blake is actually having a birthday/memorial day party on Monday at a national park. I can't wait! Even though I've probably cried more in the past few days than I should...I just can't believe my son is going to be a year old already. He has gotten so big so fast...
He has been talking more lately. It's funny because he doesn't make much sense most of the time, but if you listen very closely and pay a lot of attention to what he's rambling, you can almost tell what he might be trying to say. I try to pay close attention so that I can acknowledge what he might be trying to say. It's still difficult though.
So...a bad habit that Blake has gotten into somehow is that he for some reason likes to hit/kick in the face or wherever he can. In the mornings, I'll be playing with him and joking around with him, and he will be playing as well. Then out of nowhere, he will start smacking me in the face! If I tell him no, and hold his arms, he then decides that kicking in the face will be just as swell. I have no clue where he learned this, but I'm having a pretty difficult time trying to get him to learn that its bad. He just thinks its so funny and that he can do it non-stop. For some reason, he has also learned to bite. I don't know where he is picking these things up from, but I wish I knew how to make him stop. He's actually very strong and it's starting to hurt pretty badly when he hits me and kicks me.
If anyone has any advice on the last paragraph, please advise on!! Also...if at all possible, I'd like advice on how to get Blake to talk a bit better. I'm excited for him to learn!!!
4.14.2012
Very Good Day!!
This has been a very productive morning for Blakey-Boo and me! Obviously, I know it isn't technically morning time, but it is for me since I work overnight and don't fall asleep until 8am. ONTO THE POINT! This morning was like any other morning. Kyle had to go to work, so he woke me up around 1:20pm and said that he had to leave in about ten minutes. This gives me enough time to moan and groan and speak of how I don't want to wake up...so it works out. Kyle puts Blake in bed with me around 1:30pm, and then leaves for work. Blake must have missed me, because he put his forehead to mine, then smiled the sweetest smile ever! He has always done the forehead touch whenever he has missed someone a lot, or when he is trying to show he loves you. I've noticed this about him. It is actually very cute the way he has made up this way of showing affection!
After our foreheads were done cuddling, he decided it was time to play "MY PILLOW!!" This game is so much fun. My son is only 10 months old, and he is very understanding of what this game means! He usually starts it - which is why it makes it so much fun! He smiles and cuddles you, acting like he is just so cute and affectionate...then he sits up and looks at you with the sweetest little faces. However, OUT OF NOWHERE, he flips over, and spreads his arms across your pillow and lays on it. This is when I flop down on a section of the pillow and say, "HEYYY!! That's my pillow!!! You can't take my pillow! This is my pillow!!!" This makes Blake overly excited, and he scoots further up the pillow and keeps his bum in the air. Does he mean to be this cute? HA! This is one of our favorite games. I absolutely adore this game.
I wanted to check my bank account online. This takes me all of about 5 minutes. Apparently that is just not good enough for Blake. I set him in his Pack-and-Play and gave him one of his favorite toys. He played with it for about two minutes, then stood up and started looking around the room. I had just typed in the banking website (after waiting for my mac to start up) and I was typing my user name. Blake started crying a little, and I said, "Hold on buddy, Mommy will be done in a few minutes!" I got my password in, and my account started to load, and Blake decides to SCREAM! This worries me (even though he was right beside me) so I hurry up, take a glance at the available balance in my account, and close the window and jump up. He stops screaming, then proceeds to put his arms up in the air and make what looks like the "milk" sign with both hands. I kind of figured that he wanted up, but I honestly wanted to see if HE knew what he wanted. So I asked, "Oh, would you like some milk?" He gave me a little shriek and got upset for a minute, then started the motion again. So I picked him up, and he was fine. I was highly impressed by this because I had never seen him do it and actually follow through with what he wanted. Sometimes, he would look like he was motioning that he wanted up, but he actually just wanted out of the Pack-and-Play to crawl around. This time was different though! He clung to me like a little leech and I loved it!
I decided to take the little guy downstairs so that we could have a nice little lunch together. I put him on his "big boy chair" after heating up some food for him, and began to feed him. I started doing what I always do, and asking him if he wanted more, and motioning the sign for "more." He watched me do it a few times and let me ask him a few times. He even laughed a few times! However, I put down the bowl and spoon in order to take a drink of my tea, only to look at Blake and notice him staring at his hands, then trying to move them together, then apart, repetitively! He didn't point his fingers together like the sign is meant to look, but he still made his own way of signing for the same thing I wanted him to sign for! And he did it pretty well for being 10 months old! The sign that he makes looks more like a clap, but its his sign! I'm so proud of him! I was very excited and yelling "YAYYYYYYYYYY" in his face for every time he did it, and I would clap. He loved this, so he kept repeating the "more" sign, laughing the entire time that he wasn't chewing. I'm so proud of him! I feel like he is so smart and it makes me so happy to see this much progress in him. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day has in store for us. :)
Did I mention that he can stand for a few seconds? He is doing really well with it. He does the best when you hand him something that you usually don't let him have, (cat toy, car remote, cd, glass candle holder, tv remote, etc.) This seems to intrigue him and he holds the object with both hands, and doesn't realize that he is standing on his own. My mother's cat's toy has been a HUGE deal to Blake since the first day he spotted it. We usually have it sitting up on something where Dolce jump up to get it, but Blake can't reach it. However, yesterday, my mom decided to give Blake the cat toy, and see what would happen. The reason he usually doesn't get this toy is because it has a small bell on the end on a very thin string. This can easily be ripped off if Blake decides to put the bell in his mouth. Also, it has feathers all over the other end of it that Blake has ripped off before. It's just not a good toy for a baby to get possession of. Nonetheless, mom gave him this cat toy, and he grabbed it greedily with both hands and pulled it toward his body as tightly as he possibly could. He just stood there, not even realizing that there was nothing holding him up, not realizing that he wasn't holding anything stationary. I WISH I would've gotten a photo or something to add onto here. He did a wonderful job, until Pappy came bursting through the door yelling, "TINA!!!".....I feel like I live in a sitcom.....
Thanks for listening to my overjoyed motherhood stories. :)
After our foreheads were done cuddling, he decided it was time to play "MY PILLOW!!" This game is so much fun. My son is only 10 months old, and he is very understanding of what this game means! He usually starts it - which is why it makes it so much fun! He smiles and cuddles you, acting like he is just so cute and affectionate...then he sits up and looks at you with the sweetest little faces. However, OUT OF NOWHERE, he flips over, and spreads his arms across your pillow and lays on it. This is when I flop down on a section of the pillow and say, "HEYYY!! That's my pillow!!! You can't take my pillow! This is my pillow!!!" This makes Blake overly excited, and he scoots further up the pillow and keeps his bum in the air. Does he mean to be this cute? HA! This is one of our favorite games. I absolutely adore this game.
I wanted to check my bank account online. This takes me all of about 5 minutes. Apparently that is just not good enough for Blake. I set him in his Pack-and-Play and gave him one of his favorite toys. He played with it for about two minutes, then stood up and started looking around the room. I had just typed in the banking website (after waiting for my mac to start up) and I was typing my user name. Blake started crying a little, and I said, "Hold on buddy, Mommy will be done in a few minutes!" I got my password in, and my account started to load, and Blake decides to SCREAM! This worries me (even though he was right beside me) so I hurry up, take a glance at the available balance in my account, and close the window and jump up. He stops screaming, then proceeds to put his arms up in the air and make what looks like the "milk" sign with both hands. I kind of figured that he wanted up, but I honestly wanted to see if HE knew what he wanted. So I asked, "Oh, would you like some milk?" He gave me a little shriek and got upset for a minute, then started the motion again. So I picked him up, and he was fine. I was highly impressed by this because I had never seen him do it and actually follow through with what he wanted. Sometimes, he would look like he was motioning that he wanted up, but he actually just wanted out of the Pack-and-Play to crawl around. This time was different though! He clung to me like a little leech and I loved it!
I decided to take the little guy downstairs so that we could have a nice little lunch together. I put him on his "big boy chair" after heating up some food for him, and began to feed him. I started doing what I always do, and asking him if he wanted more, and motioning the sign for "more." He watched me do it a few times and let me ask him a few times. He even laughed a few times! However, I put down the bowl and spoon in order to take a drink of my tea, only to look at Blake and notice him staring at his hands, then trying to move them together, then apart, repetitively! He didn't point his fingers together like the sign is meant to look, but he still made his own way of signing for the same thing I wanted him to sign for! And he did it pretty well for being 10 months old! The sign that he makes looks more like a clap, but its his sign! I'm so proud of him! I was very excited and yelling "YAYYYYYYYYYY" in his face for every time he did it, and I would clap. He loved this, so he kept repeating the "more" sign, laughing the entire time that he wasn't chewing. I'm so proud of him! I feel like he is so smart and it makes me so happy to see this much progress in him. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day has in store for us. :)
Did I mention that he can stand for a few seconds? He is doing really well with it. He does the best when you hand him something that you usually don't let him have, (cat toy, car remote, cd, glass candle holder, tv remote, etc.) This seems to intrigue him and he holds the object with both hands, and doesn't realize that he is standing on his own. My mother's cat's toy has been a HUGE deal to Blake since the first day he spotted it. We usually have it sitting up on something where Dolce jump up to get it, but Blake can't reach it. However, yesterday, my mom decided to give Blake the cat toy, and see what would happen. The reason he usually doesn't get this toy is because it has a small bell on the end on a very thin string. This can easily be ripped off if Blake decides to put the bell in his mouth. Also, it has feathers all over the other end of it that Blake has ripped off before. It's just not a good toy for a baby to get possession of. Nonetheless, mom gave him this cat toy, and he grabbed it greedily with both hands and pulled it toward his body as tightly as he possibly could. He just stood there, not even realizing that there was nothing holding him up, not realizing that he wasn't holding anything stationary. I WISH I would've gotten a photo or something to add onto here. He did a wonderful job, until Pappy came bursting through the door yelling, "TINA!!!".....I feel like I live in a sitcom.....
Thanks for listening to my overjoyed motherhood stories. :)
4.03.2012
New Stuff
Some updates...
Blake is now 29 inches long.
21 lbs
Talks a little bit - mostly babbles, but he is getting some words in there.
"dada, day, mum, daday, nun Na, gee (Angie), Kay, no, umm" and probably others that I can't think of.
He walks along things and stands by himself, but refuses to stand himself if you try to place him away from something to hold onto. He has taken a very clumsy step a few times.
My favorite entertainment that he has provided me with so far, is that he is quite the musician! I love music, and so does Kyle, so this is very important to us! Blake has his own drumset, and he can beat on it pretty well! He hasn't established any steady beats yet, but he has the concept of hitting the actual drum rather than just swinging his arms rapidly. However, when Kyle and I get too excited about it and say "good job bud!!", he tends to also get overly excited and swing rapidly until his drumset - sometimes followed by himself, falls over.
Another instrument he has taken a liking to is a guitar! He has officially learned the strumming technique. He understands that strumming includes hitting every string from top to bottom! He really likes to strum! He can even keep a semi-steady tempo with plucking one string at a time. We haven't tried letting him use a pick yet. We are too afraid he will eat it. However, his fingers seem to be effective enough! We are very proud of him!
There is one more instrument he has taken a liking to, but he doesn't get to play it very often. The piano at Kyle's mom's house is very interesting to him! After carefully watching me and Aunt Mandi play it, Blake decided he would join in. I was surprised for a while just because all he was doing was watching, but when he finally joined in, I was rather impressed! He didn't BANG on the keys - he actually pressed them with just one finger on each hand. No music was really made. But he seemed to understand that you can either hit one key at a time, or you can hit both at once! He exparamented with the same two keys for a few minutes. Then he accidentally moved his hand, and hit another key. This made him pause for a moment, then he hit that key again. My little guy seems so interested in music!! Let's hope this interest stays with him throughout his whole life!!
As for shows, movies, cartoons, etc. Blake seems to love his Baby Einstein DVD set the most! His favorite DVD of the set is "my first signs." I love this because it is my favorite too! He has learned a few signs from it, but I'm not sure if he legitimately wants the things he is asking for. He has made the sign for milk, which I praised him for, then went And made him a bottle. When I came back with the bottle, he didn't want it, but he was happy about the fact that I was so excited that he made the sign! He also does an odd version of the sign for diaper. He scratches at the front-right side of his hip when he would like a diaper change. He doesn't always do it as soon as he needs one. I've noticed he usually cries and does it when I am busy cleaning or putting clothes away. The crying gets my attention, and then I am able to see him scratching at his diaper, so it is helpful!
He also likes the sign for "all done." He doesn't ever mean it, but he does the sign with one hand, then I say "all done!" and he gets excited. However, when I start to walk away with the food or drink, he cries. So he doesn't exactly mean it, but he acknowledges the fact that he can do it, and that I like it when he does it.
One thing I have been impressed with, is his ability to copy what we do. He once had a habit where he would get upset because he wanted us to put more food in his mouth, even though he still had food in there! This was a problem because he would get really upset with us! Well, we had a little progress one day at Nun-Na's house. I was feeding him, and he kept opening his mouth for more food before he was done chewing. I kept repeating, "no, not until you're done!" Blake heard this about 15 times. Then, I repeated it again, and to my surprise, he chewed his food, and said "done done done!" I was amazed! He said it for the rest of that meal, and he hasn't said it again yet!
I've also realized that he likes it when someone mocks him. He yells, we make the same sound. He says something, we say it too. He smiles excessively and keeps playing the game with us! I absolutely love this! The first time he did it, we were playing with "talking Tom" on my phone. Tom repeats everything we say. Blake tested it out and realized he could do it too! Ever since then, Blake loves it when someone mocks him.
That's all I have for today. Blake needs a nap which means cleaning time for me!
6.30.2011
I'm a Mom.
I'm finally a mom! My baby boy was born on May 28th, 2011 at 7 lbs. 6 oz. and 20 inches long! I love him so much. Unlike any other love I've ever felt in my entire life. I wouldn't trade this kind of love for anyone or anything in the world. <3
Now, for those of you who want to know, I can tell you what MY labor felt like. I can also assure you that it won't be the same for everyone. Women's bodies are very strong and can do just about anything. Labor is MEANT for women and I am sure every woman is strong enough to go through labor as long as they reassure themselves they can. Don't psyche yourself out. It definitely doesn't help whatsoever, and it only makes things harder. Give yourself positive thoughts and positive surroundings and you'll have a great labor ahead of you.
My son's name is Blake Anthony Renaud. So, I will now refer to him as Blake throughout the rest of this post. :)
I started laboring around 3AM on May 27th. My contractions were getting pretty intense, but they were about 30 minutes apart. They were intense, but they didn't exactly hurt yet. I was still able to walk around and talk to people and stuff. However, when one would come, I would have to make sure I was breathing through it, and most of the time it was really uncomfortable to sit. I made sure I was walking around as much as possible, but I also had to remind myself that I didn't know how long of a labor I was going to be in, so I wanted to make myself try to get some rest before any of it began. I would sleep in 30 minute increments because the contractions were getting a little stronger and were able to wake me up after a while.
After waiting a while, the contractions were getting to the point that I didn't want to sit or stand anymore, I just wanted to lie down and relax. This is when I decided to call my doctor. (The main reason I wanted to call was because I felt uncomfortable just lying on the couch - I couldn't imagine waiting longer and the contractions getting worse and me having to ride in a car!) I will admit, car rides suck when contractions are intensifying, and they suck even more when the person decides to go fast over bumps and stuff too. Let me also say this really quickly - labor is NOT an emergency. You shouldn't panic just because you are going into labor, and no one around you should panic either. It's a natural thing that has been happening for the same amount of time that humans and every other mammal has been in existence. Labor is something we were made for ladies! Stop being afraid of it!
Anyway, I called my doctor and told her that my contractions are about 5-10 minutes apart now and they're pretty intense. She asked me to come to Geisinger Grays Woods so she could check my dilation. Sure enough, we arrived there and I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and 100% effaced. My contractions were more intense now and it was getting harder for me to walk through them. The car ride from Geisinger to the hospital was awful for me. We stopped at Sheetz to eat, because once I would arrive at the hospital, I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything except for ice chips. Then we were on our way to the hospital.
By time we arrived, I slowly got out of the car and my mother was helping me walk across the parking lot. I kept having to pause every now and then because of the contractions. Then, Kyle got to me with a wheelchair and I sat without arguing. The wheelchair honestly didn't feel any better than walking, so either way, I was content. They took me into my room and a doctor checked how dilated I was again. I was to about 4 cm by that point. The contractions were definitely getting intense. It wasn't a normal pain type of feeling, it was kind of like someone was grabbing my uterus and twisting it. I know that might sound weird. I'm sure some people wonder how you can feel like someone is grabbing and twisting your uterus when you've never felt such a thing, but that's the only way I know how to explain it. It really felt like someone was grabbing, twisting, pulling and yanking at my uterus. That's what a contraction feels like. It's a steady amount of pain, but it is rather painful to me. My sister didn't think the contractions were painful though, so like I said, it's not like it will definitely feel painful to you either. You could have an easy labor. It's true! :)
I went through 11 hours of labor (in the hospital) and had Blake at 1:10AM on May 28th. I know some of you are probably thinking that I had a rather long labor. Honestly, I kind of did, only because my contractions started at 3AM the day before. Here's the other thing though, I definitely didn't feel like I had an 11 hour labor. It felt like I was there for maybe like 3 hours or so. That's it - I'm not even joking. Time went by really fast.
By time I hit 7cm, I realized that I wasn't sure if I could make the rest of the labor without sleep. I was to the point that I was hyperventilating because of my contractions being so intense. They were wearing me out and I just reached the point that I was crying a lot. I was really tired and didn't know how to handle it anymore, so I asked for the epidural. They gave me some type of pain medication through my heplock first to hold me off until the guy got there to give me my epidural. Honestly, all that did was make me loopy. It's true that it took the edge off of the pain, but it was only because I was loopy. Then, when the epidural guy got there, they made me put my arms around the nurse and lean against her. The epidural going in wasn't painful. It surprised me and I did a little jump because I didn't know when it was going to go in, but that was it. No pain.
After my epidural, I could still feel my contractions a little, but a lot of it went away. I was finally able to sleep. After getting some sleep, my nurse checked me again and I had progressed rather quickly from 7cm to 10cm. This is the reason I would recommend the epidural to most people. I was trying to wait it out for as long as I could, but the problem was that I couldn't relax because of the contractions being so intense, therefore, my body wasn't progressing as quickly. Some women can relax through the contractions, but I just wasn't one of them. Like I said, everyone's bodies are different.
My nurse asked me if I was ready to push. I said I was. She started telling me when to push, but after a while, I didn't need her to. I could feel when I needed to push, I just wanted to listen to her the majority of the time. So, after a little while went by, I just started pushing whenever I thought I needed to. It worked out a lot better. I felt the urge to push, and I felt like I needed to push when I felt the need to! Once I started pushing on my command rather than the nurse's, I progressed a lot faster. I just want to make a note here that pushing DID NOT HURT. It was relieving and I didn't feel any pain whatsoever. I didn't tear either - and I think 2 things helped me to NOT tear. My nurse helped my birth canal stretch by massaging it with oil. I believe that helped a lot! Also, I think it helped that I was pushing on my command rather than the doctor's or the nurse's. I definitely believe those things helped me prevent tearing.
I must go now. I have a baby to tend to! :) And he's getting a little fussy. I think he wants some booby!!! :)
Now, for those of you who want to know, I can tell you what MY labor felt like. I can also assure you that it won't be the same for everyone. Women's bodies are very strong and can do just about anything. Labor is MEANT for women and I am sure every woman is strong enough to go through labor as long as they reassure themselves they can. Don't psyche yourself out. It definitely doesn't help whatsoever, and it only makes things harder. Give yourself positive thoughts and positive surroundings and you'll have a great labor ahead of you.
My son's name is Blake Anthony Renaud. So, I will now refer to him as Blake throughout the rest of this post. :)
I started laboring around 3AM on May 27th. My contractions were getting pretty intense, but they were about 30 minutes apart. They were intense, but they didn't exactly hurt yet. I was still able to walk around and talk to people and stuff. However, when one would come, I would have to make sure I was breathing through it, and most of the time it was really uncomfortable to sit. I made sure I was walking around as much as possible, but I also had to remind myself that I didn't know how long of a labor I was going to be in, so I wanted to make myself try to get some rest before any of it began. I would sleep in 30 minute increments because the contractions were getting a little stronger and were able to wake me up after a while.
After waiting a while, the contractions were getting to the point that I didn't want to sit or stand anymore, I just wanted to lie down and relax. This is when I decided to call my doctor. (The main reason I wanted to call was because I felt uncomfortable just lying on the couch - I couldn't imagine waiting longer and the contractions getting worse and me having to ride in a car!) I will admit, car rides suck when contractions are intensifying, and they suck even more when the person decides to go fast over bumps and stuff too. Let me also say this really quickly - labor is NOT an emergency. You shouldn't panic just because you are going into labor, and no one around you should panic either. It's a natural thing that has been happening for the same amount of time that humans and every other mammal has been in existence. Labor is something we were made for ladies! Stop being afraid of it!
Anyway, I called my doctor and told her that my contractions are about 5-10 minutes apart now and they're pretty intense. She asked me to come to Geisinger Grays Woods so she could check my dilation. Sure enough, we arrived there and I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and 100% effaced. My contractions were more intense now and it was getting harder for me to walk through them. The car ride from Geisinger to the hospital was awful for me. We stopped at Sheetz to eat, because once I would arrive at the hospital, I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything except for ice chips. Then we were on our way to the hospital.
By time we arrived, I slowly got out of the car and my mother was helping me walk across the parking lot. I kept having to pause every now and then because of the contractions. Then, Kyle got to me with a wheelchair and I sat without arguing. The wheelchair honestly didn't feel any better than walking, so either way, I was content. They took me into my room and a doctor checked how dilated I was again. I was to about 4 cm by that point. The contractions were definitely getting intense. It wasn't a normal pain type of feeling, it was kind of like someone was grabbing my uterus and twisting it. I know that might sound weird. I'm sure some people wonder how you can feel like someone is grabbing and twisting your uterus when you've never felt such a thing, but that's the only way I know how to explain it. It really felt like someone was grabbing, twisting, pulling and yanking at my uterus. That's what a contraction feels like. It's a steady amount of pain, but it is rather painful to me. My sister didn't think the contractions were painful though, so like I said, it's not like it will definitely feel painful to you either. You could have an easy labor. It's true! :)
I went through 11 hours of labor (in the hospital) and had Blake at 1:10AM on May 28th. I know some of you are probably thinking that I had a rather long labor. Honestly, I kind of did, only because my contractions started at 3AM the day before. Here's the other thing though, I definitely didn't feel like I had an 11 hour labor. It felt like I was there for maybe like 3 hours or so. That's it - I'm not even joking. Time went by really fast.
By time I hit 7cm, I realized that I wasn't sure if I could make the rest of the labor without sleep. I was to the point that I was hyperventilating because of my contractions being so intense. They were wearing me out and I just reached the point that I was crying a lot. I was really tired and didn't know how to handle it anymore, so I asked for the epidural. They gave me some type of pain medication through my heplock first to hold me off until the guy got there to give me my epidural. Honestly, all that did was make me loopy. It's true that it took the edge off of the pain, but it was only because I was loopy. Then, when the epidural guy got there, they made me put my arms around the nurse and lean against her. The epidural going in wasn't painful. It surprised me and I did a little jump because I didn't know when it was going to go in, but that was it. No pain.
After my epidural, I could still feel my contractions a little, but a lot of it went away. I was finally able to sleep. After getting some sleep, my nurse checked me again and I had progressed rather quickly from 7cm to 10cm. This is the reason I would recommend the epidural to most people. I was trying to wait it out for as long as I could, but the problem was that I couldn't relax because of the contractions being so intense, therefore, my body wasn't progressing as quickly. Some women can relax through the contractions, but I just wasn't one of them. Like I said, everyone's bodies are different.
My nurse asked me if I was ready to push. I said I was. She started telling me when to push, but after a while, I didn't need her to. I could feel when I needed to push, I just wanted to listen to her the majority of the time. So, after a little while went by, I just started pushing whenever I thought I needed to. It worked out a lot better. I felt the urge to push, and I felt like I needed to push when I felt the need to! Once I started pushing on my command rather than the nurse's, I progressed a lot faster. I just want to make a note here that pushing DID NOT HURT. It was relieving and I didn't feel any pain whatsoever. I didn't tear either - and I think 2 things helped me to NOT tear. My nurse helped my birth canal stretch by massaging it with oil. I believe that helped a lot! Also, I think it helped that I was pushing on my command rather than the doctor's or the nurse's. I definitely believe those things helped me prevent tearing.
I must go now. I have a baby to tend to! :) And he's getting a little fussy. I think he wants some booby!!! :)
5.18.2011
Just Not Ready
So, we went to the hospital last night after all of the commotion about the contractions went on. My contracts weren't very intense, but they were coming every 5 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds to 1 minute each. I ended up arriving at the emergency part of the hospital around 10:30pm and being put in a wheelchair and taken up to the laboring part of the hospital. They put me in a room and I got changed in the bathroom and gave them a urine sample. Then, they hooked me up to the monitors and checked my cervix to see how dilated I was. This was the part everyone was waiting for because this would determine how close to being in labor I am. My doctor checked me (the most uncomfortable part of the process I've had to go through so far) and she stated that I'm still only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. I had to stay for an hour and walk around for an hour until they would check me again and tell me the same thing.
I didn't very much enjoy having to walk more after my sister had made me walk all over town all day. My hips were starting to seriously hurt to the point that if I hadn't sat down for a while, I may have fallen. Plus, I have a bad ankle and that was starting to hurt pretty bad as well. Next thing I know, my hour of walking is over and I decide to go rest in my room on the bed for a while. While we were walking around, a woman was going into labor and the door was wide open (curtain closed of course) and she didn't seem to be having any problems with the pushing whatsoever. She barely made noise and seemed to have her breathing under control and everything. As soon as I sat in my bed, apparently she was crowning and ended up screaming her head off! I found this ridiculous because of how well she was doing all that time to remain calm and everything. This would have scared me had I not known that such a reaction rarely happens.
Just want to say though, that I walked past her room again, and her baby was adorable. :)
My computer may die, so I'm going to leave it at this. :)
I didn't very much enjoy having to walk more after my sister had made me walk all over town all day. My hips were starting to seriously hurt to the point that if I hadn't sat down for a while, I may have fallen. Plus, I have a bad ankle and that was starting to hurt pretty bad as well. Next thing I know, my hour of walking is over and I decide to go rest in my room on the bed for a while. While we were walking around, a woman was going into labor and the door was wide open (curtain closed of course) and she didn't seem to be having any problems with the pushing whatsoever. She barely made noise and seemed to have her breathing under control and everything. As soon as I sat in my bed, apparently she was crowning and ended up screaming her head off! I found this ridiculous because of how well she was doing all that time to remain calm and everything. This would have scared me had I not known that such a reaction rarely happens.
Just want to say though, that I walked past her room again, and her baby was adorable. :)
My computer may die, so I'm going to leave it at this. :)
5.17.2011
Worries...
So my sister is excited for the baby to get here now. So excited that she asks me every 10 minutes if the baby is coming yet. Not going to lie, I have grown tired of being this uncomfortable. Also, I don't like how hard it has been for me to fall asleep and my back is always killing me. However, I don't want to induce my labor whatsoever.
Today, I mentioned that I was tired of being pregnant and that I just wanted him out now...BIG MISTAKE ON MY PART!! My brother-in-law decided to tell my sister that I said that and now she's doing everything in her power to try and make me have contractions. We went on a very long walk today (yes, I started to contract about every 5 minutes, but the contractions weren't very intense). Now, she is allowing me a break as long as I continue to drink raspberry tea for the rest of the night. She wants the baby to come tonight apparently...
Also, I found out that the only reason my contractions have continued as I sit here, is because raspberry tea has caffeine in it which causes me to start contracting, and because it dehydrates me, which causes serious contractions. I love raspberry tea, but I want my water back...I don't mind contracting because if it's supposed to happen it will, but being dehydrated is just unhealthy and its starting to scare me. I don't like that she's making me do this and even though I've told her that I don't want to have the baby tonight, she just ignores me and tells me to drink more and that I need to just have the baby because he obviously doesn't have any room anymore and blah blah blah. I'm starting to get really upset because being dehydrated isn't healthy and I don't want my labor to be induced. I'm scared to be honest, and I feel like I'm being pushed into doing something that I'm not ready to do. If the labor was coming on by itself, I'd feel more okay about it, but this is just upsetting me to the point that I don't know how much longer I can be nice to her and say no at the same time.
I love my sister, but this seems really unhealthy to me and being dehydrated is making me more tired. I finally got 2 bottles of water sitting beside me, but she is still making me chug raspberry tea. :( Time to go for another walk I suppose.
Today, I mentioned that I was tired of being pregnant and that I just wanted him out now...BIG MISTAKE ON MY PART!! My brother-in-law decided to tell my sister that I said that and now she's doing everything in her power to try and make me have contractions. We went on a very long walk today (yes, I started to contract about every 5 minutes, but the contractions weren't very intense). Now, she is allowing me a break as long as I continue to drink raspberry tea for the rest of the night. She wants the baby to come tonight apparently...
Also, I found out that the only reason my contractions have continued as I sit here, is because raspberry tea has caffeine in it which causes me to start contracting, and because it dehydrates me, which causes serious contractions. I love raspberry tea, but I want my water back...I don't mind contracting because if it's supposed to happen it will, but being dehydrated is just unhealthy and its starting to scare me. I don't like that she's making me do this and even though I've told her that I don't want to have the baby tonight, she just ignores me and tells me to drink more and that I need to just have the baby because he obviously doesn't have any room anymore and blah blah blah. I'm starting to get really upset because being dehydrated isn't healthy and I don't want my labor to be induced. I'm scared to be honest, and I feel like I'm being pushed into doing something that I'm not ready to do. If the labor was coming on by itself, I'd feel more okay about it, but this is just upsetting me to the point that I don't know how much longer I can be nice to her and say no at the same time.
I love my sister, but this seems really unhealthy to me and being dehydrated is making me more tired. I finally got 2 bottles of water sitting beside me, but she is still making me chug raspberry tea. :( Time to go for another walk I suppose.
5.14.2011
My Boyfriend's Job.....
I am about to go on a serious rant right now. My boyfriend works at a local grocery store in Philipsburg, Pennsylvania. I cannot give you the name of the store because apparently, it is illegal if I give out certain information about the store. Since I don't work there, however, I don't really give a shit whether I give out their information or not. Plus, I won't be actually giving out information on the store or the way it works; I'll just be giving out information about one specific manager and how much he fucking sucks at his job.
My boyfriend came home to me today and was very upset about something a manager did, AGAIN. Yes, this kind of stuff happens all of the time, only not in such a scale as what it did today. This is what happened at Kyle's work today...
Apparently, someone decided to tell Larry (a manager at Kyle's work) that Kyle hadn't punched out for lunch until 20 minutes after he had already gone on his lunch. Kyle gets a 30 minute lunch, so there are 2 things that Larry probably thought. Either one: Kyle punched out 20 minutes after he started his lunch, then punched back in 10 minutes later once his 30 minutes was up; or, Kyle took basically a 20 minute break, then punched out for lunch and took a normal 30 minute lunch - totaling in 50 minutes of lunch. With those two options of Larry's thoughts out in the open, I'd like to state that if he thought the first option that I listed, then he's even more fucking retarded than anyone I've met in my life.
Here's why the first option isn't even possible - at Kyle's work, if you punch out of the clock, you can't punch in 1o minutes later. It will not allow you to punch back in until at least 15 minutes has gone by because that is the shortest amount of time allowed for a break from an employee. Therefore, Larry would be really stupid to believe that Kyle would even be able to punch back in 10 minutes later. Plus, I'm not sure why he would care if Kyle WOULD have done that because he was still only taking a 30 minute break at that point.
As for the second option, I'm not sure how anyone would be able to tell if Kyle had gone on lunch 20 minutes before he clocked out unless they were LOOKING for something to get him in trouble for. Kyle already said that this didn't happen, so obviously this person wasn't paying attention as well as they thought they were anyway. Kyle went straight from his register to the clock in order to punch out for lunch. However, if someone WAS watching my boyfriend that closely, then they need to be fired for not doing anything at work. They are obviously a bad employee if they can sit there for 20 minutes and pay attention to my boyfriend and when he goes into the break room, when he comes out, when he clocks in and out, etc. I also think Larry should consider that Kyle would NOT be trying to fuck up his job right now with a baby on the way and an apartment in our future. Kyle does make bad decisions sometimes like every other human on this planet, but he would NEVER do something that could cause him to lose his job. He knows how much he would lose, and trust me, it would be far more than just the apartment, his car, and me...
The reason I stated that the manager (Larry) sucks at his job is because he brought Kyle into the back room and was FURIOUS at him about this. He had no proof that Kyle had done it, and he had no reason to believe that Kyle had done it. Kyle has never done anything to get in trouble at work. He's always been one of their best employees and never gets in trouble because he never does anything to get into trouble. So, Larry automatically flipping out on Kyle the way that he did shows that he's not a very good manager in the first place. He should've asked Kyle if he had done it, and if Kyle admitted to it, then get angry if need be. Lashing out the way that he did just shows that he has no self control and that he shouldn't be in charge of a store full of employees. Kyle had even told him that if Larry would just check the video of the store, it would show Kyle clocking out and back in. If he would check the clock, it would show that he took a 30 minute lunch as well. However, the video would be more appropriate so that they could watch Kyle at his register, then see that the same time he left his register is the same time that he went over to the clock and clocked out.
I wouldn't be so angry about this, had it been me hearing about the manager for the first time. However, it's not the first time I've heard complaints about this manager. Kyle has come home numerous times telling me about stupid things that Larry has done. For example, the policy at Kyle's work is that if you want to request days off, you are to request them 3 weeks in advance. Obviously, we have no problem with that. Kyle had decided to request off April 27th and 28th for my parents' birthday so that we could go to Salamanca, NY with them for 2 days. He requested those days off 4 weeks in advance to make sure he got them off without any hassle. Once that week had come up, Kyle's schedule for the week was shown to him and he didn't have those days off. Larry is the one who deals with the scheduling, so when Kyle asked him why he didn't give him the days off, Larry responded by telling him that if he wanted them off so bad, he could just switch with someone. This pisses me off because Larry is supposed to be the responsible manager, and he's not in any way responsible or manager material whatsoever. It turns out that he never even pays attention to when people request days off because he just doesn't want to have to put more effort into scheduling people. Also, a manager should be able to admit that he made a mistake and fix it, not tell you that you have to get someone to cover for you.
Kyle isn't the only one who complains about Larry either. I won't mention names just in case someone decides to show this to him, but there are 3 other people I've heard large complaints from. Not going into full detail - but one girl had mentioned once when Larry had scheduled her to be stocking with people during a midnight shift, and she was pregnant and had never stocked once - she had always been on register or at the courtesy desk. Larry had told her that she just wouldn't get those hours that week.
Next case was from a male worker and he had mentioned that he was promised a few things from Larry. Apparently, Larry had mentioned a promotion for this person to the courtesy desk within the next month or so. The guy telling me this has worked there for a year and a half. Larry promised him that promotion a year ago, then mentioned it again in September of 2010, then mentioned it again in November, but never actually gave the person the promotion. Obviously there's nothing in writing that says that Larry HAS to give this guy the promotion he was promised, but its just messed up that he would sit there and say that he is going to give someone a promotion when he obviously isn't going to do anything. Since the guy wasn't getting the promotion, he started helping out with stocking every now and then. He found out that he was really good at stocking and talked to the manager that takes care of the people who stock and the people who do night crew. The manager said that he really needs more people and that he wants the guy to work back there as soon as possible. The guy tried talking to Larry about it and Larry wouldn't let him be a stocking person. He had no reason for it except for he supposedly REALLY needed him in the front end. Not only is it wrong of him to refuse him a job that he obviously would be better at doing, but 2 days before this person asked Larry if he could switch, Larry was complaining that they had too many people working front end and that he might have to lay people off. He never laid people off, so he had no reason to keep this person around. Plus, Larry was still in the process of hiring more people which just proves even more that he doesn't know how to run a grocery store in any way, shape, or form.
I'm really tired of ranting. My back is starting to ache pretty bad now that I'm this pregnant and have been sitting in this chair for this long typing in an aggravated fashion. I'm all tense and achy now. Ha.
Basically - just in case Larry DOES get the pleasure of reading this, I'd like to leave a little note just for him. Kyle has no idea that I'm writing this blog, so don't take it out on him or you'll have to deal with me. I'm done with you pissing me off and taking your stress and anger out on your employees. You're a HORRIBLE manager and I can see why you got fired from your manager position at Wal-Mart. I wish someone at this grocery store was smart enough to fire your ass because you have NO idea how to manage people, schedules, money, pay, or a whole store in general. Not that I feel like threatening is the best way to do things, but the next time I find out that you're being a dumbass and threatening my boyfriend's job whenever you don't have any proof of him doing something wrong, I'm most likely going to come into the grocery store and call you out and make a scene in front of all of your customers and employees - just because I know you won't know how to handle the situation correctly. :) I hate you Larry, and I hope you either lose your job or that you wise the fuck up before you fuck yourself over. :)
Goodnight everyone. :)
My boyfriend came home to me today and was very upset about something a manager did, AGAIN. Yes, this kind of stuff happens all of the time, only not in such a scale as what it did today. This is what happened at Kyle's work today...
Apparently, someone decided to tell Larry (a manager at Kyle's work) that Kyle hadn't punched out for lunch until 20 minutes after he had already gone on his lunch. Kyle gets a 30 minute lunch, so there are 2 things that Larry probably thought. Either one: Kyle punched out 20 minutes after he started his lunch, then punched back in 10 minutes later once his 30 minutes was up; or, Kyle took basically a 20 minute break, then punched out for lunch and took a normal 30 minute lunch - totaling in 50 minutes of lunch. With those two options of Larry's thoughts out in the open, I'd like to state that if he thought the first option that I listed, then he's even more fucking retarded than anyone I've met in my life.
Here's why the first option isn't even possible - at Kyle's work, if you punch out of the clock, you can't punch in 1o minutes later. It will not allow you to punch back in until at least 15 minutes has gone by because that is the shortest amount of time allowed for a break from an employee. Therefore, Larry would be really stupid to believe that Kyle would even be able to punch back in 10 minutes later. Plus, I'm not sure why he would care if Kyle WOULD have done that because he was still only taking a 30 minute break at that point.
As for the second option, I'm not sure how anyone would be able to tell if Kyle had gone on lunch 20 minutes before he clocked out unless they were LOOKING for something to get him in trouble for. Kyle already said that this didn't happen, so obviously this person wasn't paying attention as well as they thought they were anyway. Kyle went straight from his register to the clock in order to punch out for lunch. However, if someone WAS watching my boyfriend that closely, then they need to be fired for not doing anything at work. They are obviously a bad employee if they can sit there for 20 minutes and pay attention to my boyfriend and when he goes into the break room, when he comes out, when he clocks in and out, etc. I also think Larry should consider that Kyle would NOT be trying to fuck up his job right now with a baby on the way and an apartment in our future. Kyle does make bad decisions sometimes like every other human on this planet, but he would NEVER do something that could cause him to lose his job. He knows how much he would lose, and trust me, it would be far more than just the apartment, his car, and me...
The reason I stated that the manager (Larry) sucks at his job is because he brought Kyle into the back room and was FURIOUS at him about this. He had no proof that Kyle had done it, and he had no reason to believe that Kyle had done it. Kyle has never done anything to get in trouble at work. He's always been one of their best employees and never gets in trouble because he never does anything to get into trouble. So, Larry automatically flipping out on Kyle the way that he did shows that he's not a very good manager in the first place. He should've asked Kyle if he had done it, and if Kyle admitted to it, then get angry if need be. Lashing out the way that he did just shows that he has no self control and that he shouldn't be in charge of a store full of employees. Kyle had even told him that if Larry would just check the video of the store, it would show Kyle clocking out and back in. If he would check the clock, it would show that he took a 30 minute lunch as well. However, the video would be more appropriate so that they could watch Kyle at his register, then see that the same time he left his register is the same time that he went over to the clock and clocked out.
I wouldn't be so angry about this, had it been me hearing about the manager for the first time. However, it's not the first time I've heard complaints about this manager. Kyle has come home numerous times telling me about stupid things that Larry has done. For example, the policy at Kyle's work is that if you want to request days off, you are to request them 3 weeks in advance. Obviously, we have no problem with that. Kyle had decided to request off April 27th and 28th for my parents' birthday so that we could go to Salamanca, NY with them for 2 days. He requested those days off 4 weeks in advance to make sure he got them off without any hassle. Once that week had come up, Kyle's schedule for the week was shown to him and he didn't have those days off. Larry is the one who deals with the scheduling, so when Kyle asked him why he didn't give him the days off, Larry responded by telling him that if he wanted them off so bad, he could just switch with someone. This pisses me off because Larry is supposed to be the responsible manager, and he's not in any way responsible or manager material whatsoever. It turns out that he never even pays attention to when people request days off because he just doesn't want to have to put more effort into scheduling people. Also, a manager should be able to admit that he made a mistake and fix it, not tell you that you have to get someone to cover for you.
Kyle isn't the only one who complains about Larry either. I won't mention names just in case someone decides to show this to him, but there are 3 other people I've heard large complaints from. Not going into full detail - but one girl had mentioned once when Larry had scheduled her to be stocking with people during a midnight shift, and she was pregnant and had never stocked once - she had always been on register or at the courtesy desk. Larry had told her that she just wouldn't get those hours that week.
Next case was from a male worker and he had mentioned that he was promised a few things from Larry. Apparently, Larry had mentioned a promotion for this person to the courtesy desk within the next month or so. The guy telling me this has worked there for a year and a half. Larry promised him that promotion a year ago, then mentioned it again in September of 2010, then mentioned it again in November, but never actually gave the person the promotion. Obviously there's nothing in writing that says that Larry HAS to give this guy the promotion he was promised, but its just messed up that he would sit there and say that he is going to give someone a promotion when he obviously isn't going to do anything. Since the guy wasn't getting the promotion, he started helping out with stocking every now and then. He found out that he was really good at stocking and talked to the manager that takes care of the people who stock and the people who do night crew. The manager said that he really needs more people and that he wants the guy to work back there as soon as possible. The guy tried talking to Larry about it and Larry wouldn't let him be a stocking person. He had no reason for it except for he supposedly REALLY needed him in the front end. Not only is it wrong of him to refuse him a job that he obviously would be better at doing, but 2 days before this person asked Larry if he could switch, Larry was complaining that they had too many people working front end and that he might have to lay people off. He never laid people off, so he had no reason to keep this person around. Plus, Larry was still in the process of hiring more people which just proves even more that he doesn't know how to run a grocery store in any way, shape, or form.
I'm really tired of ranting. My back is starting to ache pretty bad now that I'm this pregnant and have been sitting in this chair for this long typing in an aggravated fashion. I'm all tense and achy now. Ha.
Basically - just in case Larry DOES get the pleasure of reading this, I'd like to leave a little note just for him. Kyle has no idea that I'm writing this blog, so don't take it out on him or you'll have to deal with me. I'm done with you pissing me off and taking your stress and anger out on your employees. You're a HORRIBLE manager and I can see why you got fired from your manager position at Wal-Mart. I wish someone at this grocery store was smart enough to fire your ass because you have NO idea how to manage people, schedules, money, pay, or a whole store in general. Not that I feel like threatening is the best way to do things, but the next time I find out that you're being a dumbass and threatening my boyfriend's job whenever you don't have any proof of him doing something wrong, I'm most likely going to come into the grocery store and call you out and make a scene in front of all of your customers and employees - just because I know you won't know how to handle the situation correctly. :) I hate you Larry, and I hope you either lose your job or that you wise the fuck up before you fuck yourself over. :)
Goodnight everyone. :)
5.12.2011
Cleaning Mood. :)
As you probably already know, most pregnant women go through a "nesting" stage in their pregnancy. The basic symptoms of this stage are obsessive cleaning, organization, and pretty much anything that can keep you busy and make you feel more comforted. For example, I just had to face my chair more toward the computer because it was slightly crooked for some odd reason. :) Also, Kyle and I have been packing downstairs so that we can move into our new apartment as soon as we possibly can have the chance to, and I've been labeling EVERYTHING. :) I have 2 sharpie markers; one black one and one silver metallic one. They both are used to label certain things in certain ways. I'm so anal about all of this because I want everything to be packed MY WAY. I don't think I can take NOT having things packed the way I want them to be packed. Kyle thinks its a bit ridiculous, but it comforts me to be able to be so organized, and it makes me happy. So, even though he doesn't like it that much, he allows it to happen.
Anyway, today I have been in a crazy cleaning mood. I woke up and immediately went into the kitchen and was DISGUSTED!! Dishes - everywhere! Food still left in them and spoiled milk in glasses and salad dressing gone bad; so gross! I couldn't stand it, and I usually don't care whether things are like this or not because it's not really my house, but I HAD to take action. I immediately opened the dishwasher and took everything out, put it all away, then started loading the dishwasher with all of the nasty dishes that had been sitting out. I organized the small forks with the small forks, large forks with large, small spoons with small, large spoons with large, butter knives with butter knives, etc. All of the bowls were in two rows in the center of the top rack, and all of the plates were lined up according to size on the bottom shelf. Cups of every sort went to both sides of the top shelf, and a large pot went in the bottom rack. After doing this, I realized that the dishwasher wasn't quite full yet. So, I haven't started it yet.
If I were to start the dishwasher without it being completely full, I'd most likely get the 3rd degree about it later. Therefore, I just left it not started, and began to clean something else. I walked into the living room, and there were 2 hampers of clean clothes that Kyle had brought up for my sister and her husband, because we needed to do laundry, so we finished their laundry for them, then started to do our own. So, I walk into the living room, find that the clothes are still sitting in hampers in the middle of the floor, and I start folding the clothes. My sister has 3 kids, so trying to figure out who's shirt and pants belong to who is definitely a difficult task. :) I tried my best though. :)
It's such a nice day out! Jimmy the fat cat is lying next to the screen door looking outside, soaking up the sun. The neighbor is washing his car. Birds are chirping and singing their cute little songs. I like today. Hopefully its a better day than yesterday. Yesterday was an awful emotional day for me. :(
Anyway, today I have been in a crazy cleaning mood. I woke up and immediately went into the kitchen and was DISGUSTED!! Dishes - everywhere! Food still left in them and spoiled milk in glasses and salad dressing gone bad; so gross! I couldn't stand it, and I usually don't care whether things are like this or not because it's not really my house, but I HAD to take action. I immediately opened the dishwasher and took everything out, put it all away, then started loading the dishwasher with all of the nasty dishes that had been sitting out. I organized the small forks with the small forks, large forks with large, small spoons with small, large spoons with large, butter knives with butter knives, etc. All of the bowls were in two rows in the center of the top rack, and all of the plates were lined up according to size on the bottom shelf. Cups of every sort went to both sides of the top shelf, and a large pot went in the bottom rack. After doing this, I realized that the dishwasher wasn't quite full yet. So, I haven't started it yet.
If I were to start the dishwasher without it being completely full, I'd most likely get the 3rd degree about it later. Therefore, I just left it not started, and began to clean something else. I walked into the living room, and there were 2 hampers of clean clothes that Kyle had brought up for my sister and her husband, because we needed to do laundry, so we finished their laundry for them, then started to do our own. So, I walk into the living room, find that the clothes are still sitting in hampers in the middle of the floor, and I start folding the clothes. My sister has 3 kids, so trying to figure out who's shirt and pants belong to who is definitely a difficult task. :) I tried my best though. :)
It's such a nice day out! Jimmy the fat cat is lying next to the screen door looking outside, soaking up the sun. The neighbor is washing his car. Birds are chirping and singing their cute little songs. I like today. Hopefully its a better day than yesterday. Yesterday was an awful emotional day for me. :(
4.21.2011
Pregnancy Confusion
I've been having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions today. It worries me because I'm not sure it would be safe to go into labor this early. I think they're just Braxton-Hicks, but I could be wrong about that too I suppose. There are times when I think it's just the baby pushing his body outward, but then my sister looks at my stomach and tells me that I'm most likely having a Braxton-Hicks. It scares me that I can't seem to always know the difference. I would think that I should definitely be able to know the difference between a Braxton-Hicks and my baby moving. =(
I made a To-Do list yesterday of all of the things that I feel need to be done before Blake comes. After I had made the list, I realized that it was 2-sided and it started stressing me out really bad. It stresses me out a lot because for the past week, Kyle and I have been saying that we were going to pack our bags for the hospital, and we still haven't gotten around to it. Every time we go to do it, it's usually at night and he'll either say "yeah let me do this first" (meaning he's on his computer playing a facebook game) or he'll be too tired from working all day and he'll want to sleep. There are times when I am even just too exhausted to actually want to do something like that. =/ Does this make me a bad mommy? Blake's bag is already packed; Kyle just hasn't packed his and I haven't packed mine.
I just added like 3 things to the To-Do list while sitting here thinking about everything. I'm starting to get really nervous. I'm not sure how much more stress I can take upon myself. Kyle can't get stressed out or he'll just get moody and end up flipping out all the time again. So, I'm trying to just put as little responsibility on him as possible. He has a lot of big responsibilities right now, but they're ones that he can handle without a problem. But, let me just tell you an example of him not being mature enough to even help me with things...
Earlier today, I was stressing out because my Braxton-Hicks were happenings a bit more frequently than I'd like them to, and I wanted to lay down on the couch. I sat down and asked him if he could move (in a nice way) so that I could stretch my feet out and I started to have a Braxton-Hicks while I was asking him to move. Well, he took his jolly old good time getting off the couch and decided to slide off of it, onto the floor, but keep his upper body resting on the couch. This started to aggravate me because he takes SO LONG to do ANYTHING. (It wouldn't be as aggravating if he didn't take forever to do everything I ask of him.) So, instead, I calmed myself a little, still having the Braxton-Hicks contraction going on, and I said, "Babe, please hurry up and move I really need to extend my legs right now." And he still stayed there and decided to stretch and take forever. So, I couldn't stand my legs being all bunched up with me anymore and it was starting to be really uncomfortable, and I pushed my legs against him and pushed him away from the couch. Then, he got all pissed off and started moving even slower (in slow motion) on purpose. This is not very mature, especially when it was starting to cause me serious pain. It also started to stress me out really bad for some reason and I almost began panicking. Then, he finally gets off the couch, but stays in his stupid slow motion scene that he continues to reenact, and he decides to pretend to punch me in slow motion, then pretends to punch the table in slow motion, then pretends to punch his laptop across the room in slow motion. This is not a mature way to act and it was pissing me off more. I almost wanted to kick him and tell him to fucking stop it before I kicked him, but I knew that wouldn't make anything better. I'm not sure why all of this upset me so much, but its ridiculous that he couldn't just move when I was having a Braxton-Hicks and it makes me think that if I get aggravated while going into labor and offend him, he's going to get all emotional and aggravate me more by doing this stupid shit. I can't even tell you how aggravating he gets. I love him, more than I could ever explain. But, when he does this shit, he tries to be funny while still letting out his anger, and it pisses me off to no end. It makes me want to seriously hurt him. >=0
I'm going to try to write in my journal. I need to relax. I also have to finish filling out the thank you letters from my baby shower so that maybe I can finally send them out today. Maybe that'll calm me down. Ugh, I'm starting to get a headache. ='(
I made a To-Do list yesterday of all of the things that I feel need to be done before Blake comes. After I had made the list, I realized that it was 2-sided and it started stressing me out really bad. It stresses me out a lot because for the past week, Kyle and I have been saying that we were going to pack our bags for the hospital, and we still haven't gotten around to it. Every time we go to do it, it's usually at night and he'll either say "yeah let me do this first" (meaning he's on his computer playing a facebook game) or he'll be too tired from working all day and he'll want to sleep. There are times when I am even just too exhausted to actually want to do something like that. =/ Does this make me a bad mommy? Blake's bag is already packed; Kyle just hasn't packed his and I haven't packed mine.
I just added like 3 things to the To-Do list while sitting here thinking about everything. I'm starting to get really nervous. I'm not sure how much more stress I can take upon myself. Kyle can't get stressed out or he'll just get moody and end up flipping out all the time again. So, I'm trying to just put as little responsibility on him as possible. He has a lot of big responsibilities right now, but they're ones that he can handle without a problem. But, let me just tell you an example of him not being mature enough to even help me with things...
Earlier today, I was stressing out because my Braxton-Hicks were happenings a bit more frequently than I'd like them to, and I wanted to lay down on the couch. I sat down and asked him if he could move (in a nice way) so that I could stretch my feet out and I started to have a Braxton-Hicks while I was asking him to move. Well, he took his jolly old good time getting off the couch and decided to slide off of it, onto the floor, but keep his upper body resting on the couch. This started to aggravate me because he takes SO LONG to do ANYTHING. (It wouldn't be as aggravating if he didn't take forever to do everything I ask of him.) So, instead, I calmed myself a little, still having the Braxton-Hicks contraction going on, and I said, "Babe, please hurry up and move I really need to extend my legs right now." And he still stayed there and decided to stretch and take forever. So, I couldn't stand my legs being all bunched up with me anymore and it was starting to be really uncomfortable, and I pushed my legs against him and pushed him away from the couch. Then, he got all pissed off and started moving even slower (in slow motion) on purpose. This is not very mature, especially when it was starting to cause me serious pain. It also started to stress me out really bad for some reason and I almost began panicking. Then, he finally gets off the couch, but stays in his stupid slow motion scene that he continues to reenact, and he decides to pretend to punch me in slow motion, then pretends to punch the table in slow motion, then pretends to punch his laptop across the room in slow motion. This is not a mature way to act and it was pissing me off more. I almost wanted to kick him and tell him to fucking stop it before I kicked him, but I knew that wouldn't make anything better. I'm not sure why all of this upset me so much, but its ridiculous that he couldn't just move when I was having a Braxton-Hicks and it makes me think that if I get aggravated while going into labor and offend him, he's going to get all emotional and aggravate me more by doing this stupid shit. I can't even tell you how aggravating he gets. I love him, more than I could ever explain. But, when he does this shit, he tries to be funny while still letting out his anger, and it pisses me off to no end. It makes me want to seriously hurt him. >=0
I'm going to try to write in my journal. I need to relax. I also have to finish filling out the thank you letters from my baby shower so that maybe I can finally send them out today. Maybe that'll calm me down. Ugh, I'm starting to get a headache. ='(
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